Losing a loved one is one of the most painful experiences that any of us will ever have to go through and is incredibly difficult to come to terms with. There are many complex emotions that stem from such an ordeal, and these involve a lot more than just ‘missing’ that person.
One example of this is the way you may feel torn about ‘getting over’ the person who is gone from your life. On the one hand you might find yourself feeling as though you want to keep them in mind at all times and make sure you don’t forget them in any way, but then at the same time you will also have the need to move on with your life and for things to get back to normal.
How do you maintain this balance of keeping that person in mind, without being in a constant state of sadness?
One way to do this is to try and look back at your loved one in a happy light. This can be difficult when you’re overcome with grief, but try to celebrate their lives as well as to mourn their death. This means laughing occasionally about the silly things they did, talking about them with friends and fondly wondering what they might say were they here now. It’s difficult to get to this point, but it’s important to try as otherwise you’ll find yourself trying to constantly push them out of your mind.
You can help this along by trying to act normally when talking about them. People will be weary to breach the subject with you in case it is still to raw, but if you broach the subject and actually talk about the person who is gone, you’ll find it can be very therapeutic and a great way to keep their spirit alive.
Learn From Them
Another great thing to do is to try and adopt some of their value, beliefs and traits into your own life and that way keep them alive. Identify the things you loved most about them – whether that was their smile or their positive outlook on life – and then make a conscious effort to be more that way when given the opportunity. That way you will have learned something real from them and you’ll again be keeping them alive in many ways.
Celebrate the Anniversaries
It can be normal to try not to think about sad anniversaries, but this is missing a great opportunity to honour the person you loved and once again to think about all the nice things they did and all the happiness they brought to your life once a year.
Ultimately everyone will have their own ways of remembering people, and you’ll find that with time you are able to look back fondly. It’s worth reaching that point, because it’s the best way you can keep them alive.
And here’s one more tip: try hiding pictures of your loved one in draws you go in often. That way you’ll see them every time you open the draw and be reminded of them as you do.