When you’re grieving, the line which separates right and wrong will be slightly blurred. Certain negative emotions and behaviors like screaming and even breaking things are no longer considered unacceptable, but a natural process of being human and grieving for the loss of your loved one – contextually something good. It’s not easy to view your loved one so still and lifeless, carefully handled by funeral parlors or cremation services. Their death causes such immense and unbearable pain that almost anything negative you feel and do becomes part of the natural reaction and therefore, becomes permitted as long as no one else is hurt.
To a huge extent, this is true as that tipping point of being correct or wrong had been lowered down with valid reasons. But here is the bottom line of this article: that tipping point still exists. There are some things which may be common among grievers, possibly still understandable, but should strictly be avoided to prevent self-destruction.
Swimming against your emotions
If you swim against the current, you will drown. Many people beat themselves up for having “wrong” emotions. This is incredibly unhealthy and based on misconception. Although it’s true that there are five stages of grief in psychology, there is no fixed sequence in reality. Feelings are not data and therefore will not always be the same in every case. There is also no fixed duration or isolation of stages. Some people might take longer time to emotionally heal and some people might experience an overlap of two stages at one time. It’s your unique way of reacting and that doesn’t make you abnormal. Whatever you feel is part of the turbulent process. Constantly condemning yourself for having a certain feeling can cause serious emotional instability and chronic depression.
It is understandable, at the very least. You may feel like nobody understands what you’re going through. You might even judge people as fake and superficial with their condolences. However, you have to understand that the pain is too hard for you to deal with on your own. You need people to firstly, empathize with you. You need someone who “gets it” and therefore keeps you from feeling alone on this tough journey. These people can be your family members, or whoever is grieving as much as you are for the same deceased loved one. Secondly, you need people to help you maintain a healthy mental life. Being secluded with feelings of misery is mentally unhealthy. Do some sports or watch some movies with caring friends. This is not living in denial but instead, giving you a breather from the sorrow.
Due to immense anticipatory grief, some people can’t handle the reality, and hence choose to stay away from their ill loved one. Though understandable, it’s greatly discouraged as you’ll regret it after their death. It’s healthy for you to accept that it’s their time and act on that. You can then possibly discuss whether they’d prefer burial or cremation services, what kind of cremation urn they did like, what inspiring or religious songs they’d like to be played and a whole array of other pertinent things. It may seem scary and weird initially, but being in denial is much more emotionally murderous. Don’t forget that your loved ones also need your support and empathy – staying away from them will not achieve this.
All in all, grief is a difficult but inevitable part of life as everybody has people they love dearly. Dealing with death was never and never will be easy. However, it’s still crucial to take good care of yourself. Think of it this way: your loved one would definitely want the best for your well-being. To honor them, do what is best for your emotional health even in the midst of grief.